There are a lot of “artificial” means of communication. What I mean by that is basically anything besides have a face to face conversation with someone. My favorite one of these is definitely instant messaging: something that peaked in the late 90’s/early 2000’s with AOL and AIM. It’s still around today with Facebook, but Facebook is stupid. I loved AIM. I started using it when I was in elementary school, and I remember my conversations starting with “sup” and my friends responding with “sup.” It was big through middle school and died out towards the end of high school, but there is a very special feeling attached to the memories of my friends signing on and off and hearing those dings that would sound whenever you received a message. If you used AIM, go find a youtube clip of the AIM sound and have a flashback. In college, I met some people and AIM had a resurgence; for some reason it was easiest for all of us to communicate over AIM than any other medium. This made me happy and those are good memories. I could write about a lot of those.
Anyway, I have the laptop I used to use in college with me, I turn it on every once in a while for various reasons. Every time I do so, all this annoying startup shit pops up, and AIM was always mad fucking annoying with starting up whenever you turned on your computer, for some reason. Nobody has been on the thing in ages; it’s like walking into an old abandoned building that’s all but fallen apart. I thought to myself about the poem “Ozymandias” by Percy Shelley and how I feel like what was once a flourishing empire has now lost all of its former inhabitants, having moved on in search of a better life. Then, today I got an ironic text message from an old college friend I still keep in touch with telling me to get on AIM. I had no problem doing this. So the two of us talked for a few minutes and I noticed how the new format looks mad weird, probably a last ditch effort by the AIM developers to try to regenerate interest in it or something. I don’t know. Then I just looked over my buddy list and it brought back a lot of nostalgia. At one point I knew who all of these people were and I would talk to them, now I don’t even know wtf their screen names mean. There are 182 people on my buddy list. I am going to try to remember as much as I can about all of them right now.
FURST OF AWL, every time AIM signs on there are a bunch of people who have the “mobile” icon next to their screen name. This has been constant for the past 8 years. I don’t understand. Back in the days before iphones when everyone just had a shitty Nokia phone or whatever, you could still get AIM on it. I don’t know how it worked, I was afraid to do it, but back then I would see people with the mobile icon and be afraid to message them. I think I did once and I got really slow and poorly typed out responses from the guy. I don’t know. Anyway, it’s weird to think that “saltyballz66” has been signed on for like 8 straight years without signing out once, turning off his phone, or anything. I wonder what would happen if I messaged him now but I am afraid once again. There are eight screennames on my current buddy list with this symbol. Now that I’m looking at it, my own phone number is on there with the symbol next to it too. I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m just gonna go down my buddy list and see what I can remember about each person on here, OKAY!!!!
alaskadude25 – I went to elementary school with this kid. His name was Logan. He moved here from Alaska. Cool kid. On his first day of school here, everyone was calling him “a queer” because he liked humped the air or something. Was best friends with my neighbor. Neighbor cried on Halloween when it was this kid’s last day here.
alexkatzisreal – This guy was my best friend for a few years. Cool guy. He had a few screennames which will surely pop up later. His name was Alex Katz Israel. Nah it was just Alex Katz.
alienblinkrbtgrl – This was this girl named Robin who I went to middle school with. She got me sent to the principal’s office once because she brought a skateboard to school and some kid took it, and then when she “told” on him she gave a bunch of names, and I was one of them. I didn’t do anything and I had this fuckin Italian mafia principal yelling at me in his office like “I KNOW YOU’RE LYING AND YOU WILL BE BACK IN MY OFFICE WHEN I FIND OUT WHAT YOU DID” and I never talked to him again. Fuck this girl.
ANDCOCACOLA – Very good, unintentionally good screenname. It is this kid named Andy, who was kind of a doofus. We were friends in middle school. I think he actually explained the screenname to me once and he was like “Andy and I like coke” or something. Weird
anger undying – This was my friend Ev from high school. He is a few years older than me. I thought he was really funny. My friend Ted once asked me if I thought his screenname should be “cumshot undying“.
aRielle x 33 – Arielle. A Jewish girl I was friends with in middle school. We were pretty good friends back then and I wish we had stayed friends. I liked her kind of. One of the only cute Jewish girls.
ArLa082 – This was the girl who anger undying had a crush on in high school. Her name was “The Shizzy.” I think I only talked to her once on AIM, and it was just to say that I was my friend.
ASDFDrummerCow – This was the best friend of anger undying. I have never talked to him in my life, in person or on AIM.
astrologybot – An AIM robot in the vain of SmarterChild I guess. I don’t remember talking to it.
aviationist69 – One of the funniest screen names. People used to put 69 at the end of their screen names to signify that they liked sex, or that they were into sex. This kid was some geeky ass kid who nobody really liked LOL, seems mad funny to me. I doubt he was 69ing with anybody.
AZgreenTea18 – Very good screen name. Just named after a drink, nothing else. This was a Vietnamese kid named David. Pretty cool/funny guy. Was small and into drugs and stuff.
BabyBri2429 – I think this was the friend of a girl I “dated” in college. I had a few conversations with her, not sure why. I guess AIM existed outside of my circle of friends in 2009, though.
Betrayal17 – Hmmmmmmm can’t remember who this is. Could potentially be one of the first people I ever tried to “troll” on the internet. Ya I think it is him. It was this guy named Jeff Booth. When I was like 11, one of my friends and I were playing Contra on Super Nintendo and we couldn’t get past this one stage, so we went online to look for hints, and every hint was mad fucking stupid and like ignored everything we were having trouble with, and they were all posted by this guy Jeff Booth. So we found out his AIM screenname somehow and “trolled” him, like asked him all these bizarre questions, I forgot what we said, but it was probably stupid and embarrassing. Fuck that guy though
BlackAfroSheep – This was my black friend Monique, from middle school. She was cool. She had dread lock
blissful829 – The older sister of my elementary school crush. We had great conversations. Miss her a lot
branhatten016 – This was a guy I met online on some retro video games thing in 2008. Cool/funny dude. We were born on the same day!
BritishBaller04 – LOL this guy was somebody who my friend would fuck with on AIM, I don’t know how they knew each other but I thought it was funny so I started fucking with him too.
BrownEydGrl414 – A former coworker from 2006. “Ally.” Really pretty
bucknastyy55 – This kid Andrew who was one of my best friends in middle school. We used to fight each other, shoot airsoft guns and do “pranks” on people. Cool
burnantarctica – This was my friend Ted, who is one of my best friends to this day. He is the guy who inquired about anger undying‘s name change.
capitalsreport – This was the Washington Capitals’ short-lived attempt at providing a pregame report/discussion for all their games. I saw this guy online like three times and he was really slow to answer, it seemed like he was getting bombarded with questions. I asked him something absurd about whether I thought retired goalie Olaf Kolzig was going to play, and he just responded with “olie the goalie”.
CharlesMcGuffin7 – This was this kid Charlie who lived in Michigan. I used to spend summers up there and he was one of my friends. Was a few years younger than me. Weird kid, got mad easily
charliewoodx7 – This is the same guy as CharlesMcGuffin7.
ChipperCritic24 – No idea. I have thought about this name a lot and can’t figure out who it is. I think I used to send him/her mean messages making fun of the screenname. Sorry
ColketEvents – This was the screenname for the student center at the college I was at. Like Capitals Report, it was short-lived and poorly maintained. Organizations should have known that AIM screennames was the wrong way to do PR.
ConfuseDFrogS22 – This girl Annie. She was really weird/cool. We used to talk about weird stuff in middle school. Miss her
cucaracha612 – Don’t know. Might have been one of my brother’s friends. Might have been one of the many screen names that I created and then added to my own buddy list.
david1991300 – I think this was the friend of CharlesMcGuffin7. I never met this guy but I talked to him a lot and he was evidently some huge stoner, but like 12 years old. His profile was always really funny, like he couldn’t spell and would put things like “o my god i love my sleff” and “i love smocking wedd”
deathb1ade09 – My friend Neil. One of the smartest/weirdest dudes. His other screen name was PoopAnOlive.
Deity of Drama – This kid who “looked up” to me in high school and was mad goofy, we would fuck with him “in jest” but he wouldn’t really get it, feel kinda bad about it, I think he tried to commit suicide a few years ago
DenbTrashCan – My brother. Good screen name. Dedicated to Denb the trash god or something.
dirtyharry6049 – No idea
douluv2dothedew – My friend Bob, he is the one who texted me telling me to get on AIM. He really likes Mountain Dew.
drakan45 – My friend Dough, a good friend from high school. We had many conversations on AIM whilst playing Gunbound.
draken45 – My attempt at spelling Dough’s screen name when I guess he told it to me, but it’s weird because I didn’t know it was him when he first messaged me on the other one.
drunkinyourlove – This girl Emily from high school. She really liked me and my friend. Kinda cool emo girl. w/e
dzznutzz7 – The same guy as bucknastyy55. I don’t know why people made new/multiple screen names, but I was guilty of it too.
eastcoast153 – This is the guy Neb, who was friends with one of my friends, and began posting at the online message board I made. I didn’t actually meet him until a few year’s later at this guy’s wedding.
eightball8705 – No idea. Maybe the same person as dirtyharry6049.
elfunk0 – This kid who was friends with a chick I was friends with. Never met him. He was mad weird, we played Gunbound though.
ever so sweet 355 – The girl I had a crush on and the sister of blissful829.
EvSucks3000 – anger undying‘s next screen name.
FairfaxMetsFan – This was my dad. He went on business trips a lot and had this to talk to me. We talked a few times, but he stopped using it.
famjam56 – A guy John. This older kid in high school who thought I was really goofy/funny. Nice guy
fatcandyman4u – This “badass” girl named Stephanie. One my best friends in middle school. She was pretty fucked up, people called her “goth” and shit, they were stupid though
Ferdn and Mageln – Another screen name of my brother.
FetusHead99 – The legendary screen name of this kid Richie. I think he came up with this in 5th grade. It was whenever they came out with that South Park episode about the lady with the fetus attached to her head.
filamentdog – The screen name of this weird girl Brenna. She would bark in the hallways.
forcedconsonants – This is another incarnation of burnantarctica.
glad40 – This dude who was in college and my friends and I “admired” when we were 10. We called him Steve, that wasn’t his name, I don’t know what his real name was. He helped teach Sunday School or something.
godspeedDeAtH0 – The same guy who is AZgreenTea18. I like the other screenname better.
GregorMendelLife – This is me. I messaged this one girl with this screen name to be “funny” and I wasn’t
headernation7635 – Don’t know. All these generic sounding names with 4 numbers at the end are the ones I don’t know.
heart x core 014 – This is the girl who is fatcandyman4u. She didn’t use that one though, this was her primary screenname.
Hindu Magic 108 – My friend Sai. Really funny short Hindu kid.
HollowHomes Inc – Ted again. His first screenname I think.
i snort pixidust – Some pothead girl from “the internet.” Don’t know how I started talking to her. I was like 13 and she kept telling me to smoke weed.
itsac2012 – This kid Jacob I grew up with. Really smart kid, he went on It’s Academic and that is what his screen name is about.
IWishItWasSimple – This girl in high school who had a crush on me and I ignored and then I had a crush on her and she was over me by then. I kept talking to her but nothing happened. 😦
jamama8 – My friend Mia from high school. Nothing much to say. She hardly ever went on AIM.
Jazze1808 – Jasmine, one of the five people I talked to on AIM in college.
jendalio2 – This girl I knew in middle school who was mad cool/weird, I dunno what happened to her
jillde146 – Girl from college I kind of dated, also one of “the 5”
jky116 – Korean kid from middle school who was always class president, for his 8th grade speech he was like, “you don’t got skills like me?” or something, it was really fucking funny
jlguzman88 – JORGE aka GEORGE, Peruvian guy who would never make plans with you because he had to study, also he would send you like every word of a sentence as a different message, so you would see like 50 thousand new messages every time you talked to him, cool guy though, A good friend
joshieboy310 – Joshua Lawrence O’Quinterros, my homeboy after whom the web address of this blog is named.
kf bs ts 1223 – Don’t remember, I do remember talking to this person I think though. Fits the formula of screennames I can’t remember
kicer29 – I think this kid explained it was sposto be “Kicker” because he liked soccer. A kid from high school who I run into every 6 months
kiwihead101 – The same dude as alaskadude25.
KyleGordon906 – One of the best screennames. My homie. It was funny when his brother used to get on his screenname
lefouenfue – White girl from college with some French screen name or something.
LeiBaby23 – This girl I was in love with when I was 12, and she was like 5 years older than me.
leprechaunboy323 – I think this is the same guy as kiwihead101/alaskadude25… I think
LIFE x IS x YELLOW – The same girl as IWishItWasSimple.
Lilckbunny – This girl who lived in my neighborhood and rode my bus. Her initials were “CK.” Something cool about talking to your neighbors on AIM
maayanchik – My friend and I “trolled” the fuck out of this girl when we were like 10, the same kid as the Jeff Booth thing. I think this bordered on cyberbullying. Sorry, maayanchik.
MABJR88 – This Italian guy who used to live in my neighborhood and we thought was mad cool, but he was one of those sad figures who like hangs out with younger kids who will do whatever he says.
maft45 – My good friend from Hebrew School, M. Aft.
MasonEnglAdvise – WTF? The English adviser from George Mason University. I think she had the screenname in her emails so I thought it would be funny to log onto AIM and add it to my buddy list. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it online.
MateriaMadness56 – I don’t think I ever knew who this was, but I was intrigued because maybe it was someone who liked Final Fantasy 7? But I never knew. This was around 6th grade.
Mathcubed – My friend Math. A weird guy. Good screen name.
max diam0nd – Max Diamond. This kid thought he was “the shit” in middle school. I don’t know.
Mc r3bust – My friend Lawson. This was his MC name.
Me stipuD – This guy Justin. Had a birthmark on his face. The screen name was sposto be “me stupid” or something. He explained it once.
metalicboy99 – Some annoying ass kid I think, who mad mad slow. WTF is “metalicboy,” what is that.
metallicafrrrk – My dumbass friend Collin who used to love Metallica. We used to call him “Metallikid.” This guy is hilarious
milo juster – Big Martha. A good friend for a few years before he disappeared off the face of the earth.
MisterCrayola32 – The same guy as Deity of Drama. milo juster gave him the name of Mister Crayola when he commented on all the bright colors of his shirt. It’s weird how these screennames are like, “related” to the ones that are close to them alphabetically, like all of anger undying’s friends were at the top, and now there are these two.
MonticelloFrS187 – This guy Frank who was a fellow bus boy and a restaurant I worked at, but we had also known each other as kids riding the bus. He had a fast car and drove really fast. A decent guy.
mstrkft – My friend Brian. Master Kraft, I don’t know.
namkaclbytrid – Dirty Black Man, except it’s Dirty Blcak Man. This was created by heart x core 014/fatcandyman4u.
ncsuwo1fpak – This guy Steven who I had civics class with in 8th grade. We were both into WWE Wrestling at the time and I had all these matches downloaded, and I made him give me answers to our homework and in exchange I would send him a video of a wrestling match over AIM. lol
nevalkarion – This guy Robin who was geeky/had long blonde hair. I was cool with him except one time I was at a party and he was there and I like pissed him off, I dunno what happened, I was 15 and he was 18 and he like held me down in his lap and wouldn’t let me go and I was just being ridiculous, using his legs as bongo drums. It was really weird
NoBrakePressure – This is the pedophile bus driver of my friend’s bus who got busted asking high school girls who rode the bus if he could take their pictures. On Fridays, he would order pizzas and have coolers of gatorade on the bus for all the kids. It was pretty cool albeit really fucking creepy. When I got off the bus one time, he gave me his business card and it had his AIM screenname on it. I saw him online once.
NYMfanNYM – This smart kid who also worked with me as a bus boy. He got pissed that he never got his paycheck and now vehemently boycotts Outback Steakhouse. I ended up working with his sister and a completely different job.
ogready – My idiot friend Clouse. This guy is ridiculous. He has Tourette’s. We were friends in high school but didn’t see each other much afterwards, but I saw him last year and he was like “Hey man how’ve you been? Did you read about CNU Meth Lab? That was me”
oOBobDickensOo – One of my brother’s friends. Notable for having very large nipples (male).
p A w L 92 – Paul. A creepy kid. I think he sold drugs in middle school. Really sketchy.
pic3789 – Piccolo. We used to play wallball in high school. He has some condition where he has no hair anywhere on his body. One time he whipped out his cock and balls and had no hair on them.
PinkFaire765 – One of the popular girls in school. I was friends with her in middle school, then she started ignoring me.
pinkstarburst713 – Don’t remember
pinktypo – A pretty weird girl I grew up with. We had some really good conversations. Wonder what she’s up to
pinkwhig – A friend of lefouenfue. Liberal white girl. Seemed cool
pinky 0 1 7 3 – Another weird girl I grew up with. Connie. She gave me my first kiss when I was 13, it was on the cheek. I think. idk
PlumbsLastStand – Giraffe Kid. In high school this guy would make a sound for anything you could come up with. You could be like “two snowflakes fucking” and he would do a sound for that. I guess he had fought many battles with AIM screennames and with this one he was on his last nerve.
PlzDonEatMe – One of those kids who is a friend of your friend and you talk to a lot on AIM, and then finally meet at her bat mitzvah some time later. A nice kid.
PoopAnOlive – Aforementioned Neil of deathb1ade09. This was his first screenname.
PrzeFghtrInfrno – This kid I got along with really well for one summer and then we never talked again. Prize Fighter Inferno. We took pictures in the ghetto of East Cleveland and drank soda out of bottles in brown paper bags. It was funny back then. We were 14.
RockontheWRECk – Another short-lived and poorly thought out PR failure. This one was for a college radio station.
rocksteadyx6 – I think this was a girl I knew through Sunday School. She was cool, she had a roller rink in her basement. It was mad small.
Rock The Amadeus – One of my friends from elementary school. We played Roller Coaster Tycoon and Final Fantasy 7 a lot. He was the first one to go through puberty and would flaunt his big dick in the bathroom.
ron the dial – An internet friend. Something about changing the number on the dial
Ryadovoy – This kid Jordan, we once played an impromptu 5 on 5 football game in PE with a basketball. Very good memory.
Sanjpunch – The older brother of Hindu Magic 108, Sanjay. Kind of an asshole. Friends with MABJR88
sankyou9 – Don’t know, always think about this screenname though.
scarfaceinva88 – This kid who was in my Spanish class. Kind of an idiot. Told me his uncle was a pornstar
Scarfffman – Very smart silly guy. Very red hair. Made rap music with him
sellmeagod – The same guy as Mathcubed. The cousin of Scarfffman
shakedown1979 – I don’t know who this is, I just added it to the buddy list because I tried to make the screenname and saw it was already taken. I wanted to talk to him, but he never signed on
skate4organica15 – This kid Dylan. Not much to say. Thought this was a weird screen name, like some sort of advertisement.
SKULL iosis07 – heart x core, fatcandyman4u girl. Just realize the pun now.
SmarterChild – The classic bot that everybody used to fuck with. He used to freak out if you mentioned “nuns” to him. He would get really offended, he thought you were swearing.
smartkid25x – I think this was itsac2012 in elementary school. Humble origins
sokerlover92 – I fucked with Jeff Booth and maayanchik with this kid. Haven’t heard from him in a long time
solitudedork – White girl from middle school who had a water bottle once and was like “this is my drink” and I was like oh, she asked me if I wanted to try it. I asked what it was and she just said that it was “her drink,” so I tried some and it was vodka
SportsManiac49 – bucknastyy55 and dzznutzz7 before he got attitude.
standardman76 – Not sure, sounds familiar though.
stephaniedangit – heart x core, et. She had a lot of screen names.
StormEdge8 – This freshman kid Jeffrey, we used to be like, “Jefrey, with One F, Jefrey…”
sudoku123456789 – My mom. Pretty clever screenname, gotta give nuff props. She didn’t use it much tho
sugar 00243 – This girl from another middle school who apparently had a huge butt that everybody was about. I think she was pretty fucked up. We talked a lot but I never met her
supatuficeman – Iceman. The most ridiculous dude I’ve ever met. Imagine Vin Diesel but half black and half southern and he hangs out with two weird ass white kids every weekend for 2 straight years
surferprinces4 – A girl my friends and I used to fuck with I think. Surfer Princes.
SurfUilama – The sister of Mathcubed. Cool and weird. Didn’t understand her screen name
swimin4ever23 – Not sure, this screen name is kind of unsettling though.
tarkan615 – This is the screenname of some hot ass girl who was a camp counselor of mine. I think she gave me a fake screen name because she never signed on
tcuhrnedfrg276 – I think this was my roommate from my freshman year of college. He would sleep for seriously 24 hours straight. Weird guy, dipped a lot, but pretty funny
Telegraph – Cool screen name. Andrew WK subscribed to this guy’s Xanga. He was this big Asian guy, James.
ThatIsSoAkward – This is Mister Crayola.
The Croyt – This is the screenname of that kid in the “Angry Halo Kid” videos. I was gonna message him once I thought of something good to say to “fuck with him” but I never did.
THE KOK X7 – This is CharlesMcGuffin7.
The Law Of The Sun – Same as Mc R3bust
themagicpootpoot – This kid Manuel. Really funny kid. Never talked to him much on AIM though
thevedette – This white girl from high school. Mary. Never understood her screenname.
thirdeyeopen10 – My nigga Trippy Tim.
TJacoboe – The same guy as itsac2012. Lots of puns in such a short space in this one. First, “TJ”: that’s his high school. Then, Jacob, his name, and Oboe, because he plays the oboe.
vthunnie16 – This redhead girl Barbara. Friend of blissful829. We used to talk a lot. Thinking about it, it’s kind of weird.
waytootierd2try – Somebody who messaged me and never explained who they were, and I just made fun of this person/made wordplays of his screenname.
whenwillwebfree – The brother of thirdeyeopen10. Dan, cool guy.
whitehouse790 – This kid whose initials were WH, I think he made this screen name when he was like 6. Maybe one of the first people I ever talked to on AIM. I ran into him a few months ago.
XaroZaro – Alex, weird guy, could never figure out his screenname. One time was fucked up on something in class and got really mad at anger undying and they fought.
xCountryICON – Some asshole who was trying to fuck with me and my friends or something
xntrizikitti – Girl who used to ride my bus, told me “kitti” was the name that her boyfriend gave her vagina, so naturally she made her screenname an homage to that.
xox3sweetone3xox – This girl Marisol from elementary school. One time, smartkid25x send me an IM saying “IM marisol”, making me think that he was Marisol, or that she was at his house, but I was sposto send her an IM.
xplodnpenguins11 – this is ConfuseDFrogS22.
ydnamfrmthebx – Madny from the Box. I don’t know, met her the same way as I met branhatten016.
ynnek525 – Kenny from middle school. Talked on AIM more than we talked in person probably.
y y s o c – Really funny short white kid with ADHD, his screen name is really mysterious.
ZackAttck89 – This kid Zack who was mad good at wallball. One time he broke a window at school with a ball, but we didn’t get in trouble.
So I remember a lot I guess, but I there were a lot of things I thought would be there that weren’t, so that’s weird. I did have a lot of screennames and so did other people, the reasoning is I guess that you are trying to avoid somebody. I would not recommend doing this, it is pretty stupid, but maybe you could write something funny about it, that would be funny.