Yet Another Example of the Porousness of Certain Borders

He was at the playground with three kids, but for the first half hour I saw him, he was on the phone the whole time.  He had cornrows and a beard, plastic American flag sunglasses, tight pants with an American flag design, high top Ewing shoes with large unvelcroed straps, and a backwards snapback hat on the top of his head that said “F**KIN’ PROBLEMS” (censors included) — with an American flag pattern on the underside of the bill.  (His race was strangely ambiguous, and I feel like this matters for some reason).  90% of his exposed skin was tattooed with indiscernible words and images. The best way I can really describe what he looks like is like one of those Insane Clown Posse juggaloes, but without the face paint, yet still resembling one.  Or maybe a skinny thug life Blake Griffin.

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The kids he was with were calling him “Uncle D.”


“Uncle D!”


“Uncle D!”


“I wanna get out!”

“…..aiiiight….. I didn’t wanna bring this cigarette into the playground”


So he walks around the outside of the playground smoking the cigarette for as  long as he can before he puts it out on the ground, then goes in and helps the kid out.


Turns out he was there to celebrate/set up an all-pink birthday party for a one year old.  Like everything they set up was pink.  A pink cake, a bowl of pink gumballs, a huge dispenser of pink lemonade, pink ribbons on everything.  A Xanadu of princess-ification.


Uncle D went to set up the party at the picnic tables near the playground, and he pulled out a portable amplifier and started blaring some expletive-laced rap music.  Other parents who were with their kids looked around at each other and seemed to give this guy a minute or so to realize how insanely inappropriate he’s acting and turn the music off, but it doesn’t happen.  So the park just starts to clear out.  Finally, a mom yells at him to turn it off.  He didn’t retort.  All I heard him say afterward was that he “just put on Pandora doe.”


I’m not particularly bothered since I found this guy’s antics to be mostly entertaining, if not kind of scary and sad – but it started to stress me out when the recalcitrant girl I was babysitting ignored my requests for her to come with me, and instead insisted on taking the path right between their picnic tables to go this long round about way to the bathroom – and their obscene music was still playing, just quieter – and I’m finding myself surrounded by a sea of pink and some people giving me weird looks as I finally give in to this little girl’s demands and follow her into the building and have to use the 20 seconds she spent in the bathroom to process what was happening and stop myself from blacking out. F**KIN’ PROBLEMS.


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